Dead Squirrel & Summer Plans

The exterminator came by Friday. Whereas the old one (the creepy guy inspecting my...clothing) would never venture into the attic, this guy seemed happy to climb up there. He told me there was a dead squirrel up there, but gosh darn he couldn't reach it. Then I engaged him in conversation - something forbidden by my spouse - and asked if he had ever seen that stupid show, "Duck Dynasty." I watched once, simply because I happened to be in the same room as the tv. It was a disgusting episode in which the "matriarch" of the so-called "dynasty" fried up a mess of squirrels. The bug guy said he watched that show, had seen that episode, and indeed used to eat squirrels all the time. His were what I would term "free range" because he grew up in Ravenel. The bug-boy said, "Yeah, my mama stopped cookin' squirrels a few years ago." "What happened," I asked, "Did you get sick from eating them?" "No, we raised a baby squirrel that fell out of his nest. He grew up, and we trained him, and he'd come running to us when we called for him. But one day we had to let him go because he was all grown up and wild and tearing up our house. Mama said no more eating squirrels because one of them might be Junior." I think I might become a vegetarian. The following day I sent my 14 year old up into the attic to get the squirrel carcass. He said he couldn't find it. Well, I found it today and sent the oldest boy to get it when he got home from school. It is fun sometimes being able to boss people around. Today, I also signed up that same oldest boy for summer camp at the US Naval Academy. He has no idea!! My spouse went to high school with Tim Scott. We might be able to get him appointed to the USNA. No college expenses for him. The next time he screws up his face and says, "I'm not a brain like you were in high school, mom. I don't just sit around and read all the time...." I will smile to myself and think, "Go Navy! Beat Army!" (This same smart alec equalled my highest math SAT score - which I got at the end of my senior year- when he was just a sophomore, He can also play the cello, play the piano and run FAST (if he had been Andrea Yates's son, he would have escaped). And I think I just might send the 14 year-old to Camden Military Academy for their summer camp (But first I must check out the molestation allegations) And Mark is all normal now, even his toe is fixed, thank you Dr. M. Dr. M should be a child psychologist. He took me out of the exam room and said, "His toe is awful. I'm gonna have to do surgery." I said, "Can you give him some Versed?" (This was the only bad part; Dr, M looked like I had just asked for a vial of crack. He probably had his nurse call DSS). "I can't do that," he said. Geez he looked appalled. Just the day before I had asked the pediatrician the exact same question, and he, too, gave me a look of horror. Yet, Dr. M did offer to check M into the hospital and have him knocked out. But instead, he used some kind of relaxing talk in a soothing voice and cut on the baby's toe. Unfortunately, he had to do a second procedure a week later, but used the same pycho babble again. After the second procedure, I took M to "Sonic" and then to Rivertowne CC. My brother told me exactly where there was mistletoe, and I stood on my toes and got it down. Luckily, it was a cold, rainy day, and no one was around to see me acting that way;" Hey, Bernice. Isn't that the lawyer who did our wills? What the hell is she doing jumping up and down by that tree?" M was home this past week-end and took me downtown to lighten my wallet. I saw a woman in one store, and I know I should have recognized her. She recognized me. I think she was a friend of a friend. I read an article recently about a woman with early onset Alzheimers. She was diagnosed when she was only 38. I will be 38 in a year or two. Scary.